on using the word, "human"

do not let the flowery abstraction demean.

If you examine enough of my thoughts, it's apparent I have some sort of complex where I see myself as less or undeserving. A confluence of too much talent and privilege, too much unnatural deviancy, and not enough purifying "work" to make up for it all...

(goes crazy for someone who worked themselves into a hospital stay before. and honestly, I think the damage to my physical health is pretty small in magnitude compared to the mental effects of burnout and how much of you  it can erase...)

In my internal war against this, one of the tendencies I've picked up is labeling certain qualities and experiences as "human", or evidence of "humanity". With that, I'm really trying to convey that there's this deep underlying motivation, an essence to being, which drives my peculiar approach to living and modes of engagement. I'm hoping that in abstracting away the substance of my life — that substance which is laden with baggage and prejudice — I make clear the identifiable, emphatic movement that really defines me.

The hopeful implication being, maybe someone can see how I move.
Or maybe I can see how I move and finally appreciate me for being myself.

When I do this, I'm defining an ad-hoc value framework which carefully justifies my approach and experience. It's beautiful, in some sense, but I caution myself to never mistake that for any sort of Platonic truth about humanity. For it's a framework that lies on unjustified axioms.

Especially as someone who understands what it means to see oneself as less than human, what right do I have to define what it means to "be human"?

Really, I made these axioms from myself, for myself.

I'm reclaiming the concept which previously gutted me, slicing words and stitching myself back together. Appreciating my stories from my  perspective, reflective of how I truly see and feel. I turn the blade on those scarred and unnatural branches, myself no longer a failed, overconstrained bonsai, allowing robust growth once again.

But it's a weapon reserved for my internal war, and I must always remember that. At best, maybe it's one I can cautiously hand to someone undertaking the same battle to live unrepentantly.
But as for wielding it, should I ever turn it on anyone other than myself...

What spurred this thought is that ramble about art and AI.

Yes, I do think it would be nicer if the discourse around the topic could be elevated, and I think a necessary step in that is a greater understanding of people's relationship with art. But simultaneously, as much as I urge people to "grow" through discourse and become the fruits of their personal analysis, I categorically do not promote any sort of gatekeeping.

Discourse is discourse. Art is art. Being an artist is being an artist.

I mentioned "sowing existential doubt" as the goal in that art and AI ramble. What I meant by that is, I want to contribute to a more accurate, shared understanding of what it is we're doing. Which requires breaking some illusions. But one should take caution...

Like I mentioned, it is incredibly difficult to rain on the "AI artist's" parade. And I think that's not just a social phenomenon; it's a moral one.

In short, the moral principle at hand is, don't be a killjoy.

It's the moral crime of taking an activity which someone enjoys and sucking the life out of it. Not through bringing awareness of wider context (e.g. telling someone who loves meat about factory farming), but through demeaning the essence of the activity itself. It'd be calling the foodie a glutton.

We have natural defences against this moral crime; that's why it's hard to inadvertently commit with much effect (though it gets pretty hard-going when the entirety of society seems to pile up on it...)

But also... I have my blade.

A high-powered abstract model of what (ostensibly) constitutes true life.
A clear delineation between authentic and poseur, a functional boundary which allows me to stop waffling about and truly feel  once again. But also a boundary which I must carefully keep from impaling those around me.

So with sharing my weapon... Sometimes the line between a delicate hand-off versus a nonchalant toss of this instrument can get a little blurry. Is the other person standing attentive and ready? Are they receptive, or will they swat at the offer, injuring limbs in the process? Optimally, I'd be able to mind-read or do something approximate to prevent such outcomes, but I'm notoriously bad at that.

Sometimes I can play it dangerously, showing you intimately what I've learned with this blade. But in most situations, maybe it's best to inform others of what I have and leave it on the ground.

Pick it up if you feel the urge to cut.
Or leave it alone if you don't.
You probably know what's best.

If you know me personally, you probably know I'm odd and to take my perspectives and backhanded unsolicited advice in context lol

I try to keep those brainworms contained; however, sometimes they slip from my orfices. Hope it's not too offputting.
Unless, maybe you want to share them sloppy-style... @w@

But anyway... If you ever see me using the blade to cut someone else down...
At that point, just hit me over the head with a frying pan or something.
Clearly I've lost my way and need the sense knocked back into me.